Theo Tan and the Fox Spirit by Jesse Q. Sutanto

Author:Jesse Q. Sutanto
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Feiwel & Friends

THEO

24

Straight after dinner, we scurry off to the floating playground, which is deserted at this hour. It’s definitely one of the coolest attractions here—a floating island with towering trees holding up a maze of bridges and tree houses. We step onto a stone slab, and it floats up to the island and drops us off. It’s breezy up here, a welcome respite. We sit in a circle on the grass.

“Right,” Kai says, rubbing her fins together. “First of all, let’s get one thing straight: Being Chinese American doesn’t mean you can automatically cast Chinese spells. It doesn’t work that way, kiddo. You need to have an emotional link to the culture to be able to access your qì, which is why you’ve been having such a hard time with your lessons.”

I wince. “But that’s just it. I don’t have an emotional link to China. It’s just the place where my parents came from, you know? And I want to be interested in it, I do, but—”

“I get it,” Namita says. “You can’t really force yourself to be interested in something you’re not. But, dude, if you’re not into this stuff, why are you here?”

For a split second, panic scrambles my mind. Namita knows that Jamie wanted me to find Peng, but she doesn’t know details about Jamie, about how he died and left that giant gaping hole in my life. Should I just give her some lame reason? Maybe something about it being for school credit—

But even as I think that, I see the earnestness in Namita’s face, and it hits me that she’s the first friend I’ve made in forever. If I can’t get into this stuff with her, who can I get into it with?

“Because of my brother.”

“Oh, Theo. I’m so sorry.” She genuinely sounds sorry.

And just like that, it’s like something inside me cracks open and all the pain comes rushing out. “He was always spending his time here. He was the biggest nerd.”

“He does sound dorky, but in a cool way,” she says.

I laugh through my tears. “He was definitely both. He had a way with people, you know? Everyone loved him. I miss him so much.” It feels good to finally say that out loud to someone other than Kai. It makes me realize just how much I’ve wanted to talk about Jamie, but I could never find the right time, or the right way, or maybe I’ve always just been too afraid. “He was so excited when he learned about qì and how it meant that he didn’t need to be so reliant on cirth. He was such a cheapskate—well, so am I, honestly—”

“You guys are such Asian stereotypes,” Namita laughs. “But I’m a total cheapskate, too.”

I laugh again, wiping away my tears. I feel lighter than I have in weeks. Is this what having a friend you can confide in is like? Someone to share your burden with?

I’m just about to say something more when Kai yells, “I got it!”

Namita and I both jump.

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